On being the best

Top: DVF | Shorts: Levi's | Sandals: Target | Bag: Cappelli Straworld, c/o | Sunnies: Ray-Ban

I put Caleb in bed, grateful it was time for his afternoon nap. I thought I'd fit in an episode or two of Grey's Anatomy, my latest Netflix binge #maternityleave. Just as I had finally relaxed and my eyes got heavy, I turned over for some shut eye.

I heard the dreaded, Waaaaaaaa. 

It's like babies have magical powers when just as you're about to drift off to that magical land of sleep, BAM! They wake up.

I carried him to my bed, watched another episode while he fussed and tried to lull himself back to sleep. I felt my frustration rise as my eyes burned from lack of sleep. I just want sleeeeep.

And then I thought.

So? I'm tired. I'm cranky. But I'm holding this little baby who is only this little for such a short time. Three months and he's no longer a precious newborn. So I may be tired but I'm also determined to be present. I'm not wishing for time to pass nor am I willing for it to slow down. Instead we're enjoying each day together, getting to know each other, basking in his delicious newborn smell and feeling so much love.

"Adjust your expectations. Expect your world to change. Expect the tears. Expect the lack of control. Don't expect Pure Mama Bliss all the time. There will be bliss; you will be in love with this new baby (although maybe not right away, which is completely okay). But this is not the movies. This is not your best friend's experience or your mom's experience or your sister's experience. It is yours. It has never been done before. There are no expectations Just a new path for you to create. You are the best mother your baby will ever know." via here

I was hard on myself with my first child. I had post-partum depression, no idea what I was doing, and I felt so unprepared for motherhood. This time, I still have no idea what I'm doing and still feel unprepared but I'm so enjoying figuring it out. When I read the above, I was comforted. It's okay to not know. But I do know that my kids will know how much they're loved and that their mother tried her very best.

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