Yesterday was one of those days. Work was busy and felt like I could never catch up and was being pulled in a thousand different directions. Liam was a handful. You know the days, all you mamas out there. I came home from work feeling exhausted and wanting quality time with my boys. But Liam had every intention to tire me out even more. He's at an awkward stage where he needs discipline (boy, does he!) but his brain doesn't quiet compute everything yet. Timeouts, while we do them, I'm not quite sure he understands them even though we keep them short. Scolding him must be brief and in a language he can understand. Yesterday, he tried every trick in the book. He hit, he threw tantrums, he outright disobeyed me, ran away from me, laughed when I reprimanded him. He was in the bath, standing which is a big no no, and after scolding him for the umpteenth time I had had enough. I got him out, dressed him and put him to bed. I was done. It was time to step away from the situation before my anger got the best of me. I was at the point of tears, feeling like my parenting ability was failing. I called husband, who reassured me that I'm a good mother, Liam was just having a day of it. I reminded myself that as he's growing older he's testing us and discovering his independence. Most days, he's such a joy but keeping it real, the days that are bad just feel really bad. I know I'm not alone in this. I know this is the struggle of parenting.
About twenty minutes after I had put him to bed, I went into his room and picked him up in my arms. I told him how much I loved him and how proud I was of him. I apologized for getting so frustrated with him and put him back in his crib. I rubbed his belly and sang Jesus Loves Me over and over. He smiled so sweetly at me and we stared at each other for a long time. I didn't want him to go to bed and our last exchange was of me frustrated with him. That little boy is teaching me lessons constantly.
I'm thankful for so much this season. For the little boy who frustrates me but brings so much joy to my and husband's life. He is such a ray of sunshine and am thankful for a new perspective in life now that he's around. I'm so thankful for my family, near and far. For soon to be visits from my dad, phone calls and Facetime. For silly things like M&M's, donuts, and coffee. For an amazing job that's giving me so much opportunity. For card games and building block towers. For the sound of laughter and how I'm told how much I'm loved daily. For my loyal and faithful friends. For being a daughter of God, a wife, a mother. Even with all the ups and downs, I have so much to be thankful for.
Have a wonderful holiday, friends.