Sleeveless Blazer: Target | Sweater: Target | Scarf: thrifted | Jeans: Target | Loafers: Zara, old, similar | Clutch: thrifted, similar

Liam's cough and runny nose led to the kind of sleep that leaves you waking up more tired than you went to bed. He visited my bedside several times throughout the night, woke up crying twice and there was nothing I could do but give him some cold and cough medicine and wait it out, hopefully asleep.

I woke up to my 5:30AM alarm not so gently yelling at me to wake up. At a week shy of my third trimester, sleep is bumpy at best. Add a sniffly toddler and it's rocky. My body felt stiff, joints and limbs aching. It can't be time yet. My body is so not ready. 

That evening, I felt no different. But there was a husband and child to tend to, laundry to be done, and dinner needed to magically appear. And then husband put on his cape and said, Sit down. You need to rest as he warmed me up yesterday's homemade mac n cheese, that he had made from scratch. Bless that man.

And so I sat and watched YouTube videos and didn't even feel guilty about it. He played with Liam as I let my swollen ankles find relief. I listened to the sound of the two of them building Lego's together from the next room. I still didn't budge.

Later that night as we were lying in bed, husband said It felt like I was counting down the minutes until Liam's bedtime. I'm so tired and yet I feel like I failed as a daddy. He came home from school and it felt like we couldn't wait for 7pm. Here he was, basically Superman, feeling like he was selfishly wanting time for himself.

I waited for the mom/wife guilt to come creeping in but it never did. Yes, I had counted down the minutes until 7pm. Did that make me a bad mom?

I gave myself permission to retreat and rejuvenate. And you know what? The next day I felt better for it. Refreshed and a little less tired than the day before. Taking a time out and doing something for yourself is not the same as being selfish.

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