On days, weeks, months like this, you just need time away. Time to dwell, look internally, hope, and change--generally the order in which I do things when I'm in one of "those" moods.
And I do need time away. Time devoted to myself to and to him. Time to really focus on us. Time to discover me and who I'm becoming. Time to rest. Just time. Away is good.
Those moments when I feel this way, I go for a drive. Sometimes the 25 minute drive home from work is suffice and sometimes it is not. And then towards the mountains I go. Today in this case, it was to a bar. I never go places by myself. Perhaps I'm insecure but I don't go to movies, dinner, really anywhere by myself. But today, I wanted a 'rita and a date with myself. It was lovely. It was difficult to stop thinking everyone thought I was a loser for being by myself, but it was also pretty amazing.
And then I went home and worked off the 'rita and the pizza I was about to indulge in. Working out has become an obsession as of late. Perhaps it's due to my mood, but it feels superb working off anger and frustration. Can't get enough. Maybe I should take a kickboxing class. That could be good for me...
I have the entire weekend off and then some. Friday through Monday and I couldn't be more ecstatic. It's Mama's birthday. It will be so so good to spend time with her, go to Shaver and just be. For the next two days, that's where my head will be.