I woke up to Thomas getting in bed. He had just gotten home from work. It was 7am. I was in the middle of dreaming about being pregnant. I've been having more dreams like this (no, I'm not pregnant. yes, i know for sure). Even though I'm ready to get up, I sleep for several more hours. There's nothing like sleeping when the man you love is next to you. I've stopped taking that for granted. I wake up at 9am, this time deciding to get up. My morning routine involves getting up, going to the loo, then do a little cleaning, and sit out on the porch with Sadie for a little "me" time.
On this morning, my mind went to the core of who I am. Apart from God, I am lonely, selfish, impatient, and angry. That I know for sure. More and more lately, I find myself all of these things. Angry at customers who can't order, get out of the drive thru in a timely manner, or can't be nice. Angry at Thomas for never being home (even though I love the money that comes in). Impatient about everything and feeling like there's not enough time. I could go on and on.
Have I chosen God? For my life, absolutely. These days? Eh. I need to choose Him every day. Converse with Him every day. Be conscious about Him. Listen to Him. Be patient and really hear Him. Wait for His timing. Most importantly, I need to stop. Stop trying to rule my own life and let Him rule. Stop trying to think I'm God. I most certainly am not.